Facing Fear, Yes!!

For the last 6 weeks, I have been participating in this program called the Master Key Experience.  Based on the book called the “Master Key System” by Charles Haanel.  This week has been one full of change and busyness.  It was a beautiful release and acceptance of what was and welcoming of what could be.  Participating in this experience has moved me to a place of questioning everything.  When I notice that I have an opinion, I quickly remind myself that it is an opinion.  And then I ask myself, why do I have that particular opinion. I have been learning so much about myself, and this week was no different in that regard.  I have learned how fearful I am.  I have learned how insecure I am, and I have learned how much I see the glass as half empty.  I also have learned that I have an amazing ability to see that there is more than what meets the eyes.  Seeing these things about myself have moved me to a new level of honesty and authenticity and vulnerability.  I am learning to have compassion on myself and I find that more and more, I am offering that same compassion to others.
In September, I was aware that my business was going to move.  Because I had been using my friend’s office to operate my business out of,  I felt completely at a lost for what this would look like for me.   What did this mean for me? I didn’t really know. Because of past business decisions and other changes, I was not in a place to make a decision to go out on my own.  So I had some soul searching to do… Did I still want to operate this business that I had.  After all, I could count my remaining clients on two hands and my business now was currently on a slow sinking ship.  So at the same time that I started this Master Key Experience, I was deciding whether I would close my business or try to revitalize it.  The 1st decision I made was to give it my all and do it the right way, this time.  (I am still figuring out what that means for me).  Miracle 1.  My friend found a new office space and it had a room for me.  And I would share this space with others.  This would give me the opportunity to rebuild without the burden of covering a large monthly rent.
Facing the big move, I realized that I felt really connected to the people I had met in the old space. There was this peaceful loving synergy that was happening, and I was given the opportunity to be a apart of it.  I felt welcomed and at home, for the most part. After all, I had been there for 2 years. I would miss this space.  I would miss those people.  It made me sad.  Also, I have always been resistant to change.  But I have come to understand that my resistance was a fear of the unknown.  So I dug deep and I asked myself, why?  If there was true connection,  then that I connection would be there regardless of time or space.  Also, I had been using my friend’s room for two years. It had not been easy for scheduling and coordinating times that I could use “her” space.  That blessing also carried with it some fear that one day I would wear out my welcome.  Decision number 2, I acknowledged my sadness for what it was, fear of losing something and fear of the unknown,  and embraced the idea of new beginnings.  All of a sudden, It became very important for me to update my web presence,  capitalize on existing opportunities I had to put my business out there for people to see.  And focus on bringing new structure to my business.  I could see that this change had the opportunity to be very good for me and I decided to walk into it with open arms.  Miracle number 2,  a lady was looking for a new specialist in my town as she had recently moved here.   We met, for the first time, when I was at the old office in the middle of packing and moving.  She came in for an appointment, and I immediately felt as though I had met an old friend.  She is a dream client.  We connect on so many levels and she is one of the most genuinely sweet people I have met in a long time.  On Thursday evening, I saw the new office space for the first time.  When I walked into this beautiful new space that my friend found, I felt an excitement that was new to me.  This space would be the place where I would continue to grow spiritually and as a business woman.  I could sense that there is so many blessings waiting for me in the years to come in this new space.  I am thrilled about the possibilities, and that old belief of fear and dread of the unknown is gone.
For the past week, we have been packing the old office and making preparations to move to the new space.  There has been some late nights and because of this, I had to delay other task that needed to be done that I committed to.  But for the first time in my life, I realized, I am human and there is so much that I can do in this time and space.  I made my third decision,  especially after reading the gal in the mirror.  Was it important for me to get it all done, or was it more important for me to do it right?  If I am going to learn to treat this person with love and respect, then how can I do this by being forceful and condemning her because she is not doing every single thing now.  The 3rd decision I made was to be loving and kind to that gal in the mirror.  When I looked myself in the eye, at first, I didn’t want to look.  I felt like a failure and I wanted to quite.  I even asked myself what was all this for.  And then I realized that this was definitely an old pattern of mine.  I recognized it as the beginning of the decline.  Because everything was slowly starting to look up,  my subconscious would grip to my dying reality and try any way it could to keep it alive.  Typically, I would beat myself up for not doing it all.  And then I would have a restless night thinking of the failure that I know is coming because I cannot get anything right.  And then… Well, need I say more? We all know how it goes.  Well, I sure do.  Miracle 3. I actually refused to let me getting off track be my excuse for failure this time.  When the moment came that I wanted to throw in the towel, I heard the still small voice in my mind say, ” I will start each day with love in my heart.”  In that moment, I was reminded that no matter the circumstance, I can course correct just by stopping and choosing to focus on love.  When I do that,  what previously held my attention, no longer has any power over me. Than I get to choose my next step free from all previous judgments and experiences.  While there have been so many challenges this week, I would not change it for anything.  Now I can treat each as a new opportunity to practice love for myself, love for my neighbor, and love for this planet that I get the privilege to inhabit on this day.  Oh no, I am not out of the woods yet! I must recommit myself with this new found appreciation for all of life, the ups and downs, the highs and the lows.  I must keep careful watch of the thoughts I entertain and the words that touch my lips.  As I vision and plan for a greater future, I know I must continue to tend to my garden planting seeds for the fruit I want to bare and weeding and plucking those things that no longer serve me.  Seems like a lot of work, especially since I am still unpacking my office.  But I get to choose to love while I am doing any of it, and that is the only thing that really matters anyway!

 

Joi Aikens

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